A Psychological Look at What Causes Attraction - Cracking the Root Causes of Attraction

What causes attraction between men and women? This is a question that has never been completely answered. Some couples are attracted to one another for seemingly insignificant reasons, others are so stereotypical as to be cliché. The best way to learn how these couples get together is to take a look at the causes of attraction from a psychological standpoint.

According to psychologists, the first cause of attraction is proximity. This does not mean that men and women are attracted to one another just because they are standing next to one another. It does mean that we are more likely to be attracted to someone in our own local area than someone across the country.

Association is the second cause of attraction. We always form associations in our minds concerning events going on around us and our locations. We are more likely to be attracted to someone we meet in a place where we are happy than someone we meet in a place with bad memories associated with it. This also applies to association as in being associates to the same country, religion, language, and community. It is more likely that a Southern Baptist in Alabama, a Roman Catholic in Brazil, a Jew in Israel or a Muslim in Pakistan is going to be attracted to someone with their same type of background. Not all the time, but certainly helps build attraction.

The third cause of attraction is similarity. We are more likely to be attracted to someone who shares similar beliefs, experiences, and outlooks to our own.

Reciprocity is the fourth cause of attraction. This is a fancy word that simply means we are more likely to be attracted to someone who likes us and shows it than someone who obviously dislikes us.

The final and least important cause of attraction is physical appearance. Even though this is often the first thing we may notice about someone, its relative value in determining who we are attracted to is minimal for most people and becomes a diminishing factor in the long-run.

According to psychologists, what causes attraction is the fact that we each assign relative values to each of the five points listed above and score the people we meet on each point. We all have some idea of our own value based on these points and are most strongly attracted to people we rate as nearly equal to us on each point.

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Healthy and Constructive Ways You Can Get an Ex Back

It can be completely devastating to lose the love of your life to a break up. You may feel so desperate to get them back that you are willing to engage in risky or unsafe behaviors to get them back. But you don't need to. There are healthy and constructive ways you can get an ex back and maintain your health and dignity in the process.

The first thing to do is remember to hold your head up and be proud. This is hard especially in the first few days following a break up. But this is an important step to remember. If you are able to retain pride in yourself you are more likely to get up and around sooner and spend less time wallowing in your misery. If you are able to present yourself as being pulled together (even if it is not how you feel inside) you can appear much more attractive to your former partner.

The next thing to do is think about the issues and problems that led to the breakup. You should think about your own actions as well as those of your partner since a break up is very rarely the fault of one person only. However, you need to own up to your own mistakes and take steps to prove to your ex that you are a changed person. If they dumped you they are unlikely to take you back if you are the same person that they broke up with in the first place.

If you left your partner, it may be harder to get an ex back. This is because you have already broken their trust once. Trust is easy to break but hard to earn. There is no time that this is more true than during a break up and the time directly afterwards. Often a woman will be upset for far longer than you might think and issues may pop up long after the break up has occurred.

Other healthy and constructive ways to get an ex back include giving your ex the space they need to vent their negative feelings and work through their break up related issues. This can even, for many women, mean working through the issues that may have been held over from past relationships. Women forget very little and are often influenced by things that happened throughout the length of the relationship.

Once you have allowed some time to pass, there is nothing wrong with casually approaching your ex. Behave in a friendly and relaxed manner and make sure that you are not coming across as immediately wanting to start up the relationship again. Don't think, either, that you will be able to take up immediately where you left off. This is going to take some time on the part of both sides to build up trust again.

If you are proud and don't wallow, work through your personal issues and try to anticipate the issues your partner may have, give your ex their space and work back into their life casually and carefully, you will have found healthy and constructive ways to get an ex back into your life and hopefully forge a well functioning and beneficial relationship.

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