If the truth has to be spoken, we involve ourselves in matchmaking to offset the worst that has already passed. It is bygones that we are after burying when we resort to matchmaking. It is one of those systems that seem to give hope to many people who have faced the worst in the line of life. You have to realize that love is something that you require to make the best work for you. It doesn’t really matter why you are in need of a relationship; the fact is that it is a human feeling which makes you look for love as it is.
You cannot stay without matchmaking, more so if you have issues with your former love life. As you occasion matchmaking in your life, to a point where you have come to understand that you need a new beginning and a novel shot at dating, you must make sure that you are not held in the denial that you are desperate. You must not have realized but you can easily be desperate in your life as to make you realize that you have to try matchmaking. There is nothing like having a new dose of life, more so in the line of intimacy. It is the reason that makes people to fail acknowledging that a second chance is what a new dose of love means.
It means that you have fallen before and what you have now is just another way to try and ascertain the effect of love and the beginning of better things in life. Matchmaking is all about having another chance to make your life to work for you and change the world as you know it. There is nothing like the feeling if intimacy, and the strength of love. You need to realize that for you to hide and burry all of those heart aches you have been having in life, you need a person to love you more and hold you in very high esteem. You require a person who means everything to you who can easily offset the worst in terms of heartbreaks that you have been having.
It is the basics of matchmaking. You must have a person whom you can love or trust to change the kind of feeling you have been harboring in your heart. Love is just that you don’t need to be told when you have met that person you cannot live without. It is such a person who holds the kind of intimacy you have been looking in your life. Matchmaking is the pill that will react with your needs as to open your heart into a new platform of love and need as to make you forget all that you have been having in your life. You need something that makes sense to you and your heart to start believing again. The belief that you are doing the right thing in loving the person you have met will be the best way to begin burying your painful yesterday as you forge for the joys of tomorrow.
2012年10月7日星期日
Polish Online Dating
Welcome to Polish Dating with LinkPolonia!
This is a community site, which bring Polish people from all around the world together. There are thousands of Polish single women and Polish men registered to find their partners online. We are professional organizational community that offers good services to help Polish singles to find partners for them. If you are looking for a Polish girlfriend and Polish men then you are at the right page!
What you can do at LinkPolonia?
At LinkPolonia you can meet new friends from all around the world. You can find long lost friends online. With LinkPolonia you can,
Create a profile.
Join a group.
See what's happening in your city.
Participate in forum discussions.
Create and share photo albums.
Have fun!
Online Dating in Polish community is now just your way. LinkPolonia is the leading Online Polish Dating Agency that assists you to find your partner in Polish community online. You have to just sign up for free and choose Polish as your search option. Finding your choice from thousands of singles in community of Polishes has now become easy.
Find your matches at LinkPolonia with ease and have fun by participating in forum discussion. Your personal details are completely kept confidential, safe and secure. We hold highest rates of conversions to marriages and maintained serious relationships with encouraging singles to become couples with LinkPolonia.
So, what are you waiting for? Join and start finding your Love today!
If you are interested to know more about Polish Online Dating , please search our site for more in-depth information and resources.
This is a community site, which bring Polish people from all around the world together. There are thousands of Polish single women and Polish men registered to find their partners online. We are professional organizational community that offers good services to help Polish singles to find partners for them. If you are looking for a Polish girlfriend and Polish men then you are at the right page!
What you can do at LinkPolonia?
At LinkPolonia you can meet new friends from all around the world. You can find long lost friends online. With LinkPolonia you can,
Create a profile.
Join a group.
See what's happening in your city.
Participate in forum discussions.
Create and share photo albums.
Have fun!
Online Dating in Polish community is now just your way. LinkPolonia is the leading Online Polish Dating Agency that assists you to find your partner in Polish community online. You have to just sign up for free and choose Polish as your search option. Finding your choice from thousands of singles in community of Polishes has now become easy.
Find your matches at LinkPolonia with ease and have fun by participating in forum discussion. Your personal details are completely kept confidential, safe and secure. We hold highest rates of conversions to marriages and maintained serious relationships with encouraging singles to become couples with LinkPolonia.
So, what are you waiting for? Join and start finding your Love today!
If you are interested to know more about Polish Online Dating , please search our site for more in-depth information and resources.
Falling in Love Signs Unlocked
There isn't a mystery about falling in love signs as some might suggest, they can actually be deciphered. I am going to discuss the signs that tell you that you are falling in love. It would be nice to know when you are about to have one of the most beautiful and greatest feelings in the world.
One of the first falling in love signs to make a note of, is the frequency and way you are thinking of the person you are falling in love with. If you start to think about that person on a daily basis several times a day in a romantic and passionate way then you are definitely falling in love with them. Also it comes to a point where you always are finding an excuse to be around them. Even if you don't have plans to spend time with them or have nothing to take them to, you just want to be around them, you just want to be next to them.
Another sign is when you start thinking of your life as being shared with that other person. You start thinking in we terms and start picturing going on holiday with them, cooking with them, dancing with them, singing with them, going out with them, whatever the activity, you start to picture yourself doing things with this other person.
One of the most powerful falling in love signs is when you get what I like to call the tickly stomach. You have this tingly feeling in your stomach and it makes you happy and excited. I love this feeling. It normally happens at the beginning of a relationship during the honeymoon phase and prior to that during the courting period.
A final sign is that you suddenly find yourself with a new found passion and direction in your life. You feel like you have a new lease on life, you are excited about every day in ways you weren't before. You have so much to look forward to; you are not exactly what it is, but for some reason you have become more driven and pleased about your life then you have been in a while. That is because you are falling in love.
If you are experiencing any of these signs, then you should go after that person. You will experience one of the greatest joys in life if you can attract that person and be with them. However, if you fail to attract them you run the risk of being depressed having lost someone you loved.
I spent a great deal of time teaching people the falling in love signs and how to act on them. It is not enough to fall in love; you have to know how to act on that signs and how to attract the person you love. Feel free to visit my website for a free report that will teach you how to attract the women you love.
One of the first falling in love signs to make a note of, is the frequency and way you are thinking of the person you are falling in love with. If you start to think about that person on a daily basis several times a day in a romantic and passionate way then you are definitely falling in love with them. Also it comes to a point where you always are finding an excuse to be around them. Even if you don't have plans to spend time with them or have nothing to take them to, you just want to be around them, you just want to be next to them.
Another sign is when you start thinking of your life as being shared with that other person. You start thinking in we terms and start picturing going on holiday with them, cooking with them, dancing with them, singing with them, going out with them, whatever the activity, you start to picture yourself doing things with this other person.
One of the most powerful falling in love signs is when you get what I like to call the tickly stomach. You have this tingly feeling in your stomach and it makes you happy and excited. I love this feeling. It normally happens at the beginning of a relationship during the honeymoon phase and prior to that during the courting period.
A final sign is that you suddenly find yourself with a new found passion and direction in your life. You feel like you have a new lease on life, you are excited about every day in ways you weren't before. You have so much to look forward to; you are not exactly what it is, but for some reason you have become more driven and pleased about your life then you have been in a while. That is because you are falling in love.
If you are experiencing any of these signs, then you should go after that person. You will experience one of the greatest joys in life if you can attract that person and be with them. However, if you fail to attract them you run the risk of being depressed having lost someone you loved.
I spent a great deal of time teaching people the falling in love signs and how to act on them. It is not enough to fall in love; you have to know how to act on that signs and how to attract the person you love. Feel free to visit my website for a free report that will teach you how to attract the women you love.
2012年10月6日星期六
The Best Dating Conversation Topics - Strategy For Delivering Excellent Dating Conversation Topics
Many men are often confused on what dating conversation topics to use when going out on a date. I am surprised how many men have no idea what is an appropriate type of conversation to have with a woman, when out out on a romantic evening. There are may topics you could discuss with her, but if you want the date to go well then you need to discuss topics that will engage her.
It is actually quite easy to realise what type of topics interest women. The first most interesting topic to women is to talk about themselves. That is not because they are ego centric, that is every ones favourite topic, including men. I would suggest asking your date questions and get them to tell stories. However, the key is to get them to talk about things that excites and interest them. For example, if she is passionate about travelling then get her to talk about travelling. Ask her questions about her travels and get her to describe her trips in detail. Keeping asking for more details, she will love it.
The more she talks about a a topic that interest her, the more happy she will be. Eventually she will start associating you with her good memories and happy moments and that should be your goal. So your prime dating conversation topics should focus on getting her to tell interesting stories about herself. In addition to getting her to tell stories about herself, she should ask her for her opinion on certain things. Women love to give their opinion on wide-range of subjects, especially if they are on issues that they are interested in, such as relationships, shopping, travel, and art. If you don't have anything that requires her opinion, then think of an issue that your friend might have that you could ask her for her opinion. Alternatively, make up an interesting story and say it is related to your friend and ask for her opinion. This will get her excited.
If you focus on these two dating conversation topics then in most likely hood your date will be a success. I would also suggest smiling as often as you can during appropriate moments.
To learn more about dating conversation topics and to learn how to master delivering them to ensure all your dates are successful then visit my website to get your hands on my free report which has transformed the dating lives of thousands men, turning them into dating kings.
It is actually quite easy to realise what type of topics interest women. The first most interesting topic to women is to talk about themselves. That is not because they are ego centric, that is every ones favourite topic, including men. I would suggest asking your date questions and get them to tell stories. However, the key is to get them to talk about things that excites and interest them. For example, if she is passionate about travelling then get her to talk about travelling. Ask her questions about her travels and get her to describe her trips in detail. Keeping asking for more details, she will love it.
The more she talks about a a topic that interest her, the more happy she will be. Eventually she will start associating you with her good memories and happy moments and that should be your goal. So your prime dating conversation topics should focus on getting her to tell interesting stories about herself. In addition to getting her to tell stories about herself, she should ask her for her opinion on certain things. Women love to give their opinion on wide-range of subjects, especially if they are on issues that they are interested in, such as relationships, shopping, travel, and art. If you don't have anything that requires her opinion, then think of an issue that your friend might have that you could ask her for her opinion. Alternatively, make up an interesting story and say it is related to your friend and ask for her opinion. This will get her excited.
If you focus on these two dating conversation topics then in most likely hood your date will be a success. I would also suggest smiling as often as you can during appropriate moments.
To learn more about dating conversation topics and to learn how to master delivering them to ensure all your dates are successful then visit my website to get your hands on my free report which has transformed the dating lives of thousands men, turning them into dating kings.
How to Interpret Female Body Language
Interpreting female body language isn’t as difficult as you think. It’s firmly rooted in logic. Just about all flirtatious behavior aims to accomplish one of three things; get us noticed by the person we fancy, get us closer to them, and get them to have sex with us.
When we’re attracted to someone, our subconscious gives in to a natural urge to get close to that person. Mother Nature, thinks, ‘Here’s a prospective population booster’ and rings ‘all systems go’ alarm bells, instructing the rest of the body to look its best. She also connects with primitive, basic mating urges, suggesting they waft out some strong pheromone scents, and put the body on sexual standby.
If you're an intelligent bloke, you've probably already figured out women initiate contact around two-thirds of the time. Rather than going up and chatting, however, they do it by giving you the green light to approach them, via non-verbal flirting signals. This is the sole reason why most men think they've make the first move - they're usually the ones who swagger over to speak. While it might not be the first move, it is possibly the bravest. Crossing the floor isn't easy and few women risk it. Reduce your chances of face-to-face humiliation by becoming a master at reading the sexual signals that drew you there. These will give you a massive head start...
It's all Good News
She's looking at your mouth loads
It starts with the flirting triangle and becomes more intense as the flirting intensifies. The more infatuated she is, the more time she'll spend looking at your mouth while you're talking. If you've been doing a bit of autoerotic touching, she's got the hint and is fixated on it, imagining what it would be like to have your mouth on hers. Lick your lips and you'll see her focus shift to your tongue. Gosh. I wonder what she's thinking about now?
She's lightly stroking her outer thigh
We stroke ourselves for two reasons: to draw attention to a body part (eyes tend to follow fingers) and to subconsciously tease the person watching (bet you wish you were doing this).
She's checking out your bum
Both sexes scan the body of a potential mate but do it very differently. Being more visual and usually more sexually aggressive, men scan from the ground up, eyes sliding over feet, legs, crotch, tummy, breasts, shoulders, and (finally) the face. Women scan less obviously and in a different order. They start at the face, having a good look at the eyes and mouth, then move on to hair and overall size and build. His clothes and accessories (a wedding ring, watch, shoes) are next, finishing on his legs and then back up to check out his crotch and...his bottom. It's a long journey from your eyes to your ass and the fact she's got that far means you probably passed on the other counts. If you've been chatting for a while, glance backwards next time you leave her for drinks/the loo. If her eyes zoom downwards, she thinks you're sexy. (If she's looking horrified, all those pizzas in front of the telly have taken their toll.)
Her shoulders flash
When we meet someone we like we don't just flash our eyebrows for a split second, we also do a shoulder flash. Without realizing it, we'll shrug our shoulders when we meet someone we find attractive. It's a small, quick movement but stay alert to it if you want to be one step ahead of the game.
She lets a strap fall off a shoulder
Revealing a shoulder is incredibly provocative. So is a glance back over one or stroking her own. Even shrugging your shoulders can be sexy if it's done in the right way.
She starts massaging her neck
Didn't I tell you women are great at this manipulation stuff? She doesn't really have a stiff neck, she's just aware this pose lifts her breasts and exposes her armpit (another sexual hotspot).
She'll stand with her legs apart, weight on one foot and hips tilted
This is the stance of a high achiever: researchers studied executives at seminars and found 75 per cent assumed this position within half an hour. It's also the posture of a sexually supremely confident woman.
She'll dart short, repetitive glances your way
This says ‘Of all the things 1 could look at, you're the most interesting to me.’
She looks straight at you and flips or tosses her hair
Some women toss, flicking their hair back with a head movement, others flick it back, using their hand. The second isn't just preening: by lifting her arm and brushing it through her hair, she's wafting pheromones in your direction from the sweat glands of her underarm. If she catches your attention, does either a toss or a flick, then looks back again, get yourself over there.
She'll flash her wrists
Wrists are a definite erogenous zone. Back in the days when women wore neck to knee clothing, the wrist and ankles were the only flesh ever exposed in public. Watch groups of women smoking to see a dramatic illustration of wrist turning as a flirting tool. Surrounded by just her girlfriends, each girl will usually have her wrist turned to face her own body whenever she lifts her cigarette to her mouth. The second a gorgeous guy appears, all wrists, magically and in unison, tend to turn outwards or to the side.
She'll lick her lips, fluff her hair, and generally preen while looking at you
‘I'm making myself look even more attractive - and it's all for you.’
Her hands start to glide over her arms and neck
Yep - it's autoerotic touching at work again.
She'll do a whisper and lean
If she lowers her voice and moves her head close to yours, she's inviting you to share her personal space. It's a thinly disguised ploy - if she speaks so quietly, you're almost obliged to lean forwards - but it works
She moves her head closer to yours generally
The more we desire someone, the closer our heads get. The effect is two-fold: it excludes anything else from our field of vision and unconsciously prepares us for the first kiss. The most intimate pre-kiss position possible is where both your eyes are in line with each other's but still clearly in focus.
She'll sit with her inner thigh exposed
If one leg's tucked under her, revealing her inner thigh, and her head and body also point towards you, consider yourself wanted. She's revealing quite an intimate part of her body you'd normally only see during sex.
She smiles broadly
A huge, genuine smile delivered with direct eye contact is still the clearest signal of all she wants you to come over and talk to her.
She'll fidget with her clothes
When we're aroused by someone, our clothes seem suddenly restrictive. Lots of people start removing layers, undo buttons, or hike up skirts. Note how many buttons she's got undone and see if a few more have magically freed themselves while you were getting drinks. Keep an eye on her thighs as well (I know, it's a hard job) to see if her hemline has risen along with your expectations. She'll start invading your space with objects. Unfortunately, it's more likely to be a wine glass, rather than the keys to her apartment or personal body parts. If you're in a restaurant or bar, she'll gradually push her wine glass from her side of the table over to yours. If she's confident you're attracted to her, she'll leave it (and her hands) there, hoping you'll touch them.
When we’re attracted to someone, our subconscious gives in to a natural urge to get close to that person. Mother Nature, thinks, ‘Here’s a prospective population booster’ and rings ‘all systems go’ alarm bells, instructing the rest of the body to look its best. She also connects with primitive, basic mating urges, suggesting they waft out some strong pheromone scents, and put the body on sexual standby.
If you're an intelligent bloke, you've probably already figured out women initiate contact around two-thirds of the time. Rather than going up and chatting, however, they do it by giving you the green light to approach them, via non-verbal flirting signals. This is the sole reason why most men think they've make the first move - they're usually the ones who swagger over to speak. While it might not be the first move, it is possibly the bravest. Crossing the floor isn't easy and few women risk it. Reduce your chances of face-to-face humiliation by becoming a master at reading the sexual signals that drew you there. These will give you a massive head start...
It's all Good News
She's looking at your mouth loads
It starts with the flirting triangle and becomes more intense as the flirting intensifies. The more infatuated she is, the more time she'll spend looking at your mouth while you're talking. If you've been doing a bit of autoerotic touching, she's got the hint and is fixated on it, imagining what it would be like to have your mouth on hers. Lick your lips and you'll see her focus shift to your tongue. Gosh. I wonder what she's thinking about now?
She's lightly stroking her outer thigh
We stroke ourselves for two reasons: to draw attention to a body part (eyes tend to follow fingers) and to subconsciously tease the person watching (bet you wish you were doing this).
She's checking out your bum
Both sexes scan the body of a potential mate but do it very differently. Being more visual and usually more sexually aggressive, men scan from the ground up, eyes sliding over feet, legs, crotch, tummy, breasts, shoulders, and (finally) the face. Women scan less obviously and in a different order. They start at the face, having a good look at the eyes and mouth, then move on to hair and overall size and build. His clothes and accessories (a wedding ring, watch, shoes) are next, finishing on his legs and then back up to check out his crotch and...his bottom. It's a long journey from your eyes to your ass and the fact she's got that far means you probably passed on the other counts. If you've been chatting for a while, glance backwards next time you leave her for drinks/the loo. If her eyes zoom downwards, she thinks you're sexy. (If she's looking horrified, all those pizzas in front of the telly have taken their toll.)
Her shoulders flash
When we meet someone we like we don't just flash our eyebrows for a split second, we also do a shoulder flash. Without realizing it, we'll shrug our shoulders when we meet someone we find attractive. It's a small, quick movement but stay alert to it if you want to be one step ahead of the game.
She lets a strap fall off a shoulder
Revealing a shoulder is incredibly provocative. So is a glance back over one or stroking her own. Even shrugging your shoulders can be sexy if it's done in the right way.
She starts massaging her neck
Didn't I tell you women are great at this manipulation stuff? She doesn't really have a stiff neck, she's just aware this pose lifts her breasts and exposes her armpit (another sexual hotspot).
She'll stand with her legs apart, weight on one foot and hips tilted
This is the stance of a high achiever: researchers studied executives at seminars and found 75 per cent assumed this position within half an hour. It's also the posture of a sexually supremely confident woman.
She'll dart short, repetitive glances your way
This says ‘Of all the things 1 could look at, you're the most interesting to me.’
She looks straight at you and flips or tosses her hair
Some women toss, flicking their hair back with a head movement, others flick it back, using their hand. The second isn't just preening: by lifting her arm and brushing it through her hair, she's wafting pheromones in your direction from the sweat glands of her underarm. If she catches your attention, does either a toss or a flick, then looks back again, get yourself over there.
She'll flash her wrists
Wrists are a definite erogenous zone. Back in the days when women wore neck to knee clothing, the wrist and ankles were the only flesh ever exposed in public. Watch groups of women smoking to see a dramatic illustration of wrist turning as a flirting tool. Surrounded by just her girlfriends, each girl will usually have her wrist turned to face her own body whenever she lifts her cigarette to her mouth. The second a gorgeous guy appears, all wrists, magically and in unison, tend to turn outwards or to the side.
She'll lick her lips, fluff her hair, and generally preen while looking at you
‘I'm making myself look even more attractive - and it's all for you.’
Her hands start to glide over her arms and neck
Yep - it's autoerotic touching at work again.
She'll do a whisper and lean
If she lowers her voice and moves her head close to yours, she's inviting you to share her personal space. It's a thinly disguised ploy - if she speaks so quietly, you're almost obliged to lean forwards - but it works
She moves her head closer to yours generally
The more we desire someone, the closer our heads get. The effect is two-fold: it excludes anything else from our field of vision and unconsciously prepares us for the first kiss. The most intimate pre-kiss position possible is where both your eyes are in line with each other's but still clearly in focus.
She'll sit with her inner thigh exposed
If one leg's tucked under her, revealing her inner thigh, and her head and body also point towards you, consider yourself wanted. She's revealing quite an intimate part of her body you'd normally only see during sex.
She smiles broadly
A huge, genuine smile delivered with direct eye contact is still the clearest signal of all she wants you to come over and talk to her.
She'll fidget with her clothes
When we're aroused by someone, our clothes seem suddenly restrictive. Lots of people start removing layers, undo buttons, or hike up skirts. Note how many buttons she's got undone and see if a few more have magically freed themselves while you were getting drinks. Keep an eye on her thighs as well (I know, it's a hard job) to see if her hemline has risen along with your expectations. She'll start invading your space with objects. Unfortunately, it's more likely to be a wine glass, rather than the keys to her apartment or personal body parts. If you're in a restaurant or bar, she'll gradually push her wine glass from her side of the table over to yours. If she's confident you're attracted to her, she'll leave it (and her hands) there, hoping you'll touch them.
5 Simple Ways On How To Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back
Almost everyone has experienced a break up. Most of the times, we learn to move on, however, there are still those who still wonder what could've been if they were still with their ex girlfriend. This then makes you wonder what you could've done differently.
Here are 5 simple ways on how to get your ex girlfriend back:
Establish communication. You can start by calling her or sending her a simple text message asking how she is doing. Let her know that you still exist and that you still think of her. Taking off from this, let your ex girlfriend know that you are still interested in her. But never overdo it. Start out by being friends again with your ex.
Try your best to not be seen with other girls. This is a big NO NO for boys who are trying to win their ex back. You don't want your ex girlfriend to think you are playing around. Make her feel that she is the only one you want in your life.
Do not forget to treat her like royalty. If there is one thing girls love is it's the feeling of being pampered, taken care of and loved. Just because you used to have something romantic doesn't mean that your efforts should be lesser. When you are in the courting stage again, try to be sweeter than you used to. Exert more effort of making feel that you really want her back.
Make it clear to her that you want her back. Uncertainty is something you should avoid. If you want her back, make it known to her. Emphasize the point by giving her special attention, give her gifts, and other things she'd appreciate.
Make sure that you REALLY want her back. Don't do any of the aforementioned if you are not certain about your feelings for her and what you want to happen with your relationship because you'll be wasting your (and her) time. Worse, you may end up hurting her Ask yourself once, twice or until you are really sure that having her back in your life is what you really want.
Here are 5 simple ways on how to get your ex girlfriend back:
Establish communication. You can start by calling her or sending her a simple text message asking how she is doing. Let her know that you still exist and that you still think of her. Taking off from this, let your ex girlfriend know that you are still interested in her. But never overdo it. Start out by being friends again with your ex.
Try your best to not be seen with other girls. This is a big NO NO for boys who are trying to win their ex back. You don't want your ex girlfriend to think you are playing around. Make her feel that she is the only one you want in your life.
Do not forget to treat her like royalty. If there is one thing girls love is it's the feeling of being pampered, taken care of and loved. Just because you used to have something romantic doesn't mean that your efforts should be lesser. When you are in the courting stage again, try to be sweeter than you used to. Exert more effort of making feel that you really want her back.
Make it clear to her that you want her back. Uncertainty is something you should avoid. If you want her back, make it known to her. Emphasize the point by giving her special attention, give her gifts, and other things she'd appreciate.
Make sure that you REALLY want her back. Don't do any of the aforementioned if you are not certain about your feelings for her and what you want to happen with your relationship because you'll be wasting your (and her) time. Worse, you may end up hurting her Ask yourself once, twice or until you are really sure that having her back in your life is what you really want.
Why do smart women settle for dumb relationships?
August 29, 2008 – Women are settling for dumb relationships everyday. Bright, smart, competent women are living in emotionally cold marriages that are filled with sarcasm, contempt, betrayal, addiction, and even rage.
Why are they settling? Because of fear, stress, their children, and a lack of belief that things can be better. They are fearful to be on their own and figure living with someone is better than living alone. They’re scared of making waves with their partner because “he might get angry or leave.” They want their children to be raised in a two-parent home no matter what the cost to themselves. Women don’t trust that if they fought for something better with their partners that they’d actually get it – so they settle. They settle for an empty marriage and they lower their expectations.
They do not settle however, without a cost.
Research shows that marriage is good for a man’s health – regardless of the degree of marital satisfaction. This does not hold true, however, for women. Women benefit from marriages if and only if they are satisfied in them. When they are not satisfied, it is, in fact, harmful to their health.
Psychologist Darby Saxbe reports that women in chronically unhappy marriages can often be on a “roller coaster ride” of stress levels that rise and fall so frequently that eventually the body stops being able to relax easily. This elevated level of stress has been linked to extreme tiredness, depression, a weaker immune system, osteoporosis, and even cancer.
Why are so many smart women so unhappy in their marriages? They are unhappy because they’re not getting what they want in their marriages, and they don’t know how to fight to change that. They end up accommodating and getting resentful, or raging and going over the top. In essence, they either over shoot or undershoot.
Rachel, for example, has been married for 15 years and has three children. Rachel’s disappointed that her husband works so much and she wishes he would do more with the family. She doesn’t like it when he’s short with her and the kids; however, she understands that he’s under a lot of stress so she just lets it go. She wishes her husband would talk to her more, but he’s just not a talker.
She knows he loves her. Rachel doesn’t want to add to his stress by complaining about their relationship. She’s been trying to make life easier for her husband for most of their marriage. She believes that if she keeps things calm, then her husband won’t take things out on her and the children. She has learned to accommodate just like her own mother did.
In contrast, Karen has had it. She’s livid and not afraid to say it. Her husband is irresponsible and passive aggressive. He agrees to do something one day and then gives her a thousand excuses about why it’s not done the next. She’s on him constantly to follow through with his promises and can barely look at him she’s so fed up. She screams at him often because it’s the only time he listens. If they didn’t have kids she would have been out of the relationship a long time ago. She’s seriously considering leaving anyway.
Both of these women are in unhappy relationships. Although Rachel accommodates and Karen rages, they both have adopted unhealthy strategies to help them cope. Karen overshoots and Rachel undershoots. Neither strategy is effective.
When women overshoot, they yell, control, go on and on incessantly, or make repeated empty threats. All of these are ineffective. When women undershoot, they accommodate, say ‘yes’ when they mean ‘no’, take whatever they’re given, and either shut down, and become resentful, or get depressed.
Both of these strategies lead to unhappy relationships. Women often incorporate one of two ‘solutions’ to these relationships: they either eat it or leave it. Those that eat it try to stick it out as best they can. They say little, hope for better, and try to make the most of a bad situation… all the while it takes a toll on their emotional and physical health.
Those that leave it either separate or divorce. Lori Anderson, in her article, Why Are Women Leaving Marriage in Droves? reports that women instigate more than 75% of today’s divorces. They feel as though they’ve been carrying the bulk of the household duties while also working a full time job anyway. Being a single parent, they believe, may not result in that great a difference in their day-to-day lifestyle. In addition, many of these women have greater support, higher incomes, and greater financial independence than women in older generations, making divorce a more viable option.
The problem with either sticking it out or divorcing, however, is that they each come with a significant cost. When women accommodate, they become resentful, stressed, and physically unhealthy. Furthermore, they teach their children a very unhealthy model for relationships; a model their children are likely to repeat when they get older.
When the women choose option two and stand up and walk out, it does not come without a cost to themselves and their children. Often divorce leads to depression and issues of self-acceptance for women. In addition they often suffer up to a 30% decline in their standard of living.
The cost to the children is also often significant. Divorce is difficult under the best of circumstances. When you have children it’s even more difficult. Research has shown that children of divorce often experience difficulties in school, and exhibit more health, behavioral, and emotional problems than children from intact homes.
So what are women to do? If they stay in a miserable relationship it hurts them, and if they leave a miserable relationship it hurts them. Is this a ‘no win’?
Instead of either extreme, it’s important for women to first do everything in their power to change the relationship. Rather than accommodating and taking it, they need to learn how to ask for what they want and then fight healthily to get it. If the relationship still doesn’t change, then the woman can go, knowing she has done everything she could to make it work. In essence, she’s earned a way out.
One of the problems with this approach, however, is that women don’t know how to fight. Women need to learn how to fight for their relationship… relationally. And the first step towards changing the relationship is changing themselves.
Women need to adopt a quiet strength. They need to realize that they deserve to be treated well by all people, at all times… and their loved ones deserve the same. If someone is not treating them well, women need to stand up with a quiet, confident, powerful strength and set a limit. They do not need to beat the person over the head with rage and empty threats.
It’s the difference between screaming, “You’re an idiot. Don’t you dare speak to me like that!!!” and stating in a strong, respectful tone, “I want you to know that if you continue to speak to me like that, now or in the future, this marriage is in trouble.”
When you speak tough truths with calm and conviction, it has a way of stopping people in their tracks and…they listen. Once they’re listened to, then women have to learn to back their words up with actions.
I see smart, competent women, who are extremely successful in their careers, have the most unsatisfying relationships imaginable at home. It’s as though they leave their best self at the office. It’s time for women to bring this same level of competency to their marriage. It’s time to do this with a new, more refined feminine power. We do not need to nag, bitch, or rage but instead stand up with a quiet, respectful, powerful strength that is centered, calm, and comes from within.
When women learn to harness this quiet strength, they will set in motion a ripple effect that will influence relationships across the world.
CONTACT:
Lisa Merlo-Booth
Tel: (508)520-6547
Email: lisa@relationalcoaching.com
http://lmerlobooth.typepad.com/
Why are they settling? Because of fear, stress, their children, and a lack of belief that things can be better. They are fearful to be on their own and figure living with someone is better than living alone. They’re scared of making waves with their partner because “he might get angry or leave.” They want their children to be raised in a two-parent home no matter what the cost to themselves. Women don’t trust that if they fought for something better with their partners that they’d actually get it – so they settle. They settle for an empty marriage and they lower their expectations.
They do not settle however, without a cost.
Research shows that marriage is good for a man’s health – regardless of the degree of marital satisfaction. This does not hold true, however, for women. Women benefit from marriages if and only if they are satisfied in them. When they are not satisfied, it is, in fact, harmful to their health.
Psychologist Darby Saxbe reports that women in chronically unhappy marriages can often be on a “roller coaster ride” of stress levels that rise and fall so frequently that eventually the body stops being able to relax easily. This elevated level of stress has been linked to extreme tiredness, depression, a weaker immune system, osteoporosis, and even cancer.
Why are so many smart women so unhappy in their marriages? They are unhappy because they’re not getting what they want in their marriages, and they don’t know how to fight to change that. They end up accommodating and getting resentful, or raging and going over the top. In essence, they either over shoot or undershoot.
Rachel, for example, has been married for 15 years and has three children. Rachel’s disappointed that her husband works so much and she wishes he would do more with the family. She doesn’t like it when he’s short with her and the kids; however, she understands that he’s under a lot of stress so she just lets it go. She wishes her husband would talk to her more, but he’s just not a talker.
She knows he loves her. Rachel doesn’t want to add to his stress by complaining about their relationship. She’s been trying to make life easier for her husband for most of their marriage. She believes that if she keeps things calm, then her husband won’t take things out on her and the children. She has learned to accommodate just like her own mother did.
In contrast, Karen has had it. She’s livid and not afraid to say it. Her husband is irresponsible and passive aggressive. He agrees to do something one day and then gives her a thousand excuses about why it’s not done the next. She’s on him constantly to follow through with his promises and can barely look at him she’s so fed up. She screams at him often because it’s the only time he listens. If they didn’t have kids she would have been out of the relationship a long time ago. She’s seriously considering leaving anyway.
Both of these women are in unhappy relationships. Although Rachel accommodates and Karen rages, they both have adopted unhealthy strategies to help them cope. Karen overshoots and Rachel undershoots. Neither strategy is effective.
When women overshoot, they yell, control, go on and on incessantly, or make repeated empty threats. All of these are ineffective. When women undershoot, they accommodate, say ‘yes’ when they mean ‘no’, take whatever they’re given, and either shut down, and become resentful, or get depressed.
Both of these strategies lead to unhappy relationships. Women often incorporate one of two ‘solutions’ to these relationships: they either eat it or leave it. Those that eat it try to stick it out as best they can. They say little, hope for better, and try to make the most of a bad situation… all the while it takes a toll on their emotional and physical health.
Those that leave it either separate or divorce. Lori Anderson, in her article, Why Are Women Leaving Marriage in Droves? reports that women instigate more than 75% of today’s divorces. They feel as though they’ve been carrying the bulk of the household duties while also working a full time job anyway. Being a single parent, they believe, may not result in that great a difference in their day-to-day lifestyle. In addition, many of these women have greater support, higher incomes, and greater financial independence than women in older generations, making divorce a more viable option.
The problem with either sticking it out or divorcing, however, is that they each come with a significant cost. When women accommodate, they become resentful, stressed, and physically unhealthy. Furthermore, they teach their children a very unhealthy model for relationships; a model their children are likely to repeat when they get older.
When the women choose option two and stand up and walk out, it does not come without a cost to themselves and their children. Often divorce leads to depression and issues of self-acceptance for women. In addition they often suffer up to a 30% decline in their standard of living.
The cost to the children is also often significant. Divorce is difficult under the best of circumstances. When you have children it’s even more difficult. Research has shown that children of divorce often experience difficulties in school, and exhibit more health, behavioral, and emotional problems than children from intact homes.
So what are women to do? If they stay in a miserable relationship it hurts them, and if they leave a miserable relationship it hurts them. Is this a ‘no win’?
Instead of either extreme, it’s important for women to first do everything in their power to change the relationship. Rather than accommodating and taking it, they need to learn how to ask for what they want and then fight healthily to get it. If the relationship still doesn’t change, then the woman can go, knowing she has done everything she could to make it work. In essence, she’s earned a way out.
One of the problems with this approach, however, is that women don’t know how to fight. Women need to learn how to fight for their relationship… relationally. And the first step towards changing the relationship is changing themselves.
Women need to adopt a quiet strength. They need to realize that they deserve to be treated well by all people, at all times… and their loved ones deserve the same. If someone is not treating them well, women need to stand up with a quiet, confident, powerful strength and set a limit. They do not need to beat the person over the head with rage and empty threats.
It’s the difference between screaming, “You’re an idiot. Don’t you dare speak to me like that!!!” and stating in a strong, respectful tone, “I want you to know that if you continue to speak to me like that, now or in the future, this marriage is in trouble.”
When you speak tough truths with calm and conviction, it has a way of stopping people in their tracks and…they listen. Once they’re listened to, then women have to learn to back their words up with actions.
I see smart, competent women, who are extremely successful in their careers, have the most unsatisfying relationships imaginable at home. It’s as though they leave their best self at the office. It’s time for women to bring this same level of competency to their marriage. It’s time to do this with a new, more refined feminine power. We do not need to nag, bitch, or rage but instead stand up with a quiet, respectful, powerful strength that is centered, calm, and comes from within.
When women learn to harness this quiet strength, they will set in motion a ripple effect that will influence relationships across the world.
CONTACT:
Lisa Merlo-Booth
Tel: (508)520-6547
Email: lisa@relationalcoaching.com
http://lmerlobooth.typepad.com/
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